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God’s Clowns Return For Our Amusement

Fredonia- After 3 months of having nothing to complain about, Fredonia State University students returned to the village over the weekend creating a sense of normalcy among local residents. “Townies” say that their property value has already plummeted as expected, and they’ve already gotten used to the sight of people having sex in their lawns…

Stop Being Such a Pussy

Dunkirk- Once again, the city beach has been closed indefinitely by the Environmental Protection Agency. EPA investigator Walter Peck, who examined the waterfront, says the beach is to remain closed due to an usually strong tide, massive waves, a high risk of waterspouts, and “above average human fecal content” for this time of year- as…

The City of Dunkirk: Dead Serious About Jokes

  Dunkirk- A tough crowd proved to be a little too uptight for the city of Dunkirk’s legendary practical jokes during a recent city council meeting. Area residents questioned city officials about the use of city-imposed parking fees for upcoming fishing tournaments, which would charge out of town guests up to $50 to park on…

Girls Gone Wild. In Gerry.

Gerry- Allegations of sexual abuse have once again taken the fun out of watching grown men abuse animals for the amusement of the county at the Gerry Rodeo. The PRCA, the country’s largest and most unnecessary bull-riding union alleges that Brocton women are sexually harassing and in many cases sexually assaulting rodeo cowboys at the…