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The Brokening: Local Retailers Report Minor Injuries, Major Savings

  Chautauqua County- Black Friday arrived on Thursday, and thousands of area residents hopped-up on advertising and whatever cheap liquor they had left following the Thanksgiving holiday ignored their better judgement and signed away their future to broken-spirited cashiers throughout Chautauqua County in celebration of the annual shoppers holiday. While the holiday itself may have…

VOTE FOR CHAD STEGELSKI FOR EVERYTHING AND CHANGE EVERYTHING

  Chautauqua County- An unlikely write-in political candidate in Chautauqua County has taken the lead in the polls in the upcoming elections at several elected positions in the county. Real estate agent Chad Stegelski denies running for any public office and insists that people only assume he’s a politician because signs for his real estate…

Marrone: Fuck It, Kyle Orton is Our Quarterback

Houston- Following his team’s 23-17 loss to the Houston Texans, a dejected coach Doug Marrone took to the podium to blame his team for failing to adhere to game-plan drawn up by his staff for the game. Clearly sipping Nyquil from an old Diet Pepsi bottle, a sweaty and disoriented coach Marrone candidly shared the…

Haunted Hospital is Full of Gold and is Seriously Super Awesome

Perrysburg- Just weeks after declaring war on “ghost hunters”, local authorities appear to have waived the white flag in their efforts to beat up and extort area teenagers for trespassing at the grounds of the former J.N. Adams hospital. An official statement from one local police department admits they “completely dropped the ball” in devoting…